


Just a Kiss

by irondad1spiderson1andloki



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crash Landing, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Keith (Voltron), Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Post-Season/Series 04, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 23:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irondad1spiderson1andloki/pseuds/irondad1spiderson1andloki
Summary: Keith leaves Voltron to join the Blade of Marmora. Keith succeeds at his sacrifice.Voltron can move on, Lance can't.





	Just a Kiss

They kissed on a late night. Lance was sitting in the training room, cradling his jacket to his chest as he sobbed. As he was laying in bed, the homesickness became too overwhelming and he just had to _cry._ Keith had woken up in the middle of the night, nightmares about his Galra side getting the best of him once again.

His first instinct was to head to the training room. If he was useless, he could at least try to be less useless. The last thing he expected to see was Lance sobbing on the bench. He had walked over slowly, silently. "Lance...? Are you okay?"

The boy winced, hiding his face and turning away, choking over an unfinished sob. Keith's eyes softened as he walked over and sat beside him. "Don't be embarrassed to cry." Keith whispered, placing his hand gently on Lance's shoulder. "We're all here for you."

Lance sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve and turning to Keith with teary eyes. "D-Do you really mean that?"

Keith smiled. "Of course I do."

Lance sprung forward, wrapping his arms around the boy's neck, one hand tangling in his hair. He pressed his lips to Keith's, an inexperienced, rushed kiss. Their teeth clacked together at first, and Keith was pretty sure he bit Lance's lip too hard, but that didn't make it mean any less. It didn't mean Lance didn't stay up at night thinking about ways to do it better next time, while pining over the feeling of Keith's soft lips on his.

"You have no idea how much that means to me, Keith." Lance sniffled into his shoulder. Keith walked him to his room.

 

 

Now, Keith was leaving to join the Blade. "Keith! Keith, wait!" Lance shouted just before Keith could board his ship. The boy turned around with a confused expression. "Lance? What is it?"

Lance panted. "Please don't go!"

Keith gasped. "What do you mean? I thought you understood." He frowned, setting his bag down to stand in front of Lance. Lance's eyes filled up with tears. "Keith, you said you'd be here for me. Please, please don't leave!" He pleaded.

The half-galra in front of him didn't flinch, but he did look guilty, at least. "The rest of the team is there for you, they always will be. I'm no good for you."

Lance shook his head wildly. "That is not true! Stay with us, please. Remember the kiss?"

Keith walked onto the ship and shrugged. _"It was just a kiss."_

 

 

He flew away, leaving Lance sobbing on the ground Keith had just stood on.

 

 

He didn't mean it. He really didn't. But he was not a good member of the team, and they didn't need him. Not anymore. They could form Voltron and defend the universe their way, he would defend it his. As for Lance, he loved him more than anything in the world. And that scared him.

Lance deserved someone better. So he left. He could go on without Keith, right?

 

 

 

"We did it!" Lance shouted, celebrating their victory. They had just broken through the shield and survived the fight. They won.

But they didn't, all the same. _"Keith! Keith, come in! Keith, are you okay?"_

Allura turned on the coms. "Matt, is everything alright?"

_"N-No! Keith flew his ship into the shield! That's how-that's how it broke!"_

Not a single member of Voltron breathed for a few seconds until Pidge asked, voice shaking, "Is...Is he dead?"

Before Matt could answer, Lance shouted at the top of his lungs, "No! He is not dead! He promised he'd be there for me. He-He **promised**..." He trailed off, breaking into sobs.

_"I...oh my god. His ship is totally destroyed. Shiro, he's gone. I'm so sorry. I'm so-"_

Shiro gasped, breaking up Voltron as he flew to the site. "No, Keith. Why, kid?" He murmured under his breath, voice shaky and wet.

 

 

They flew back to the castle. Lance walked straight to his bedroom and locked the doors, not even bothering to glance at any of his team, though he knew they were struggling as well. Pidge had seen Keith as a brother, and so did Shiro. He was family to Voltron. He was family. So why did he do that?

_Why would he do that?_

That was the question Lance could never begin to answer. He couldn't answer it no matter how many nights he lay awake sobbing in his bed, no matter how many days he avoided training and avoided his team, no matter how many nights he woke up with nightmares of different ways Keith could have died, and running to the bathroom to throw up.

He could never answer the question.

Why was heartbreak always written to be so romantic?

Lance didn't think there was anything romantic about the way he would sleep next to his toilet in case the nightmares came back and he had to throw up again.

Nothing romantic about the way Lance lost weight and lost sleep so quickly he began to look like he had been the one who died.

 

_"Please, I'll do anything! Just bring him back to me! He- He **promised** me he'd be there!" _

 

Hunk cooked him breakfast and dinner everyday, and the whole thing became a routine. He would knock on the door at around 9, and ask, "Lance? Can you please come out and eat?"

Lance wouldn't answer. Hunk would leave the food outside. The dishes would pile up until it had been days, and Lance had to eat and drink or he'd probably die as well.

 

Sometimes Lance thought that might be the answer. If there _was_ a God, then Keith would surely have gone to Heaven, right? Lance wished more than anything to join him, but any time he would get close enough to ending it, his hands would shake and his eyes would get blurry. He'd get too scared and race back to his bedroom to spend another painful night alone.

 

_You're weak._

_It's your fault he's dead._

_You should never have kissed him. He probably left because of that._

_You meant nothing to him._

 

The first time he'd truly spoken to anyone in months was when Shiro had grabbed his arm when Lance was coming back from the training room. Lance went there a couple times a week at night, just to look around the room. It had been Keith's favorite place in the castle.

 

"Lance!" Shiro had said, sounding worried. Lance knew he couldn't just run away from him, and he knew Shiro had been struggling over the past couple months just as much as him.

_Selfish._

"What do you want, Shiro?" Lance's voice was rough, and dry from disuse. Shiro flinched. "I need to talk to you." Shiro told him, and pulled him over to a bench. Lance allowed himself to be dragged by the man.

Shiro stared into his eyes. "I know you miss Keith, Lance, but he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

Lance scoffed. "He didn't care about me at all, Shiro. I love him, but he never did..." Lance trailed off, the words stinging his heart.

"Is that really what you think?"

Lance looked at him strangely. "What do you mean?"

Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. "Keith loved you more than anything in the universe, Lance. He told me himself, and even before he did, I could just tell. You made him happier, Lance. You were his everything."

Lance's eyes filled with tears. "W-What? But he-"

Shiro shook his head. "I know he always had...trouble showing how he really left. But he loved you so much, Lance. So much."

Lance burst into tears, sobbing into Shiro's chest.

"He left a note before he left for the Marmora, Lance. It's in his room. You should go see it."

Shiro gently lifted Lance off him and walked out of the room.

 

 

Lance opened the door to Keith's room with a shaking hand and stepped inside, looking around at the room. He hadn't been here since before Keith left for the Blades, the memory too painful. It was clear no one had touched the room since Keith had...died. His bed was still messy, the blankets half off and half on the bed, and the pillow sideways. His coat was hanging in the corner.

Lance swallowed the lump in his throat and picked up the folded note on the desk. Written on the front of the letter was "Lance" in neat handwriting. He unwrapped it, sniffling.

 

_My dearest Lance,_

_If you found this letter, then you've obviously been sneaking in my room again. Why do you do that? It's so annoying...I'm just kidding, I kind of like it. It's cute._

_I wanted to say this out loud to you, but...I just couldn't. You have no idea how many times I've laid awake at night practicing. But I just couldn't do it. So I wanted to write it instead. Writing has always been the way I expressed myself. Remember?_

_You always made fun of me for it, but I know you liked my writing. Thank you for giving me a way to express myself to you, it meant more than you could ever know._

_I wanted to let you know...I love you. I love you, Lance. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even at the Garrison, you were always kind of who I aspired to be. Funny, sweet, and caring. But I just couldn't get myself to be like you, no matter how much I wanted to. You're truly something special, Lance._

_I want you to know that the kiss didn't mean nothing. It meant so much to me, I doubt you could ever understand. It was the one thing that made my life worthwhile. I wish I could have stayed and helped to make you smile, but the universe needs me with the Blades. I know you care about me, Lance, but I have to do this. I have to do this so I can find myself._

_I hope you can understand that. Who am I kidding, I know you can. If anyone can try to sympathize with someone even when that someone is being a jerk, it's you. You're good at that. You're good at making people feel better._

_I love you, Lance. Never forget that._

 

Lance clutched the letter to his chest and sobbed. He sobbed out all the rest of his tears, screaming in the agony of the situation. And when he was finished, he felt better. Lighter.

He kept the letter underneath his pillow and read it nightly, the words imprinting in his mind.

He still missed Keith. He missed him so much. He wished for nothing more than to see his face just one more time.

But he understood why Keith did what he did. Keith loved him. Keith loved **them.**

And Lance managed to go hang out with his family again. They won the war against the Galra. Keith's sacrifice was not in vain.

 

Lance smiled at the sky. "We did it, buddy. We did it."

He let the note go and watched it fly away. "We won."

 

 


End file.
